I loved reading stories from various traditions and cultures when my son was just a little guy. One of our favorite books was “Zen Shorts” by Jon J Muth. It’s a quirky story about a giant panda named Stillwater who shares profound Zen wisdom with three rambunctious children through simple tales and parables. One story, “The Farmer’s Luck,” has really stuck with me over the years as I’ve navigated life’s inevitable ups and downs.
The tale follows an old farmer whose horse runs away one day. When his neighbors come to commiserate over his supposed “bad luck,” the farmer simply responds with a Zen-like equanimity: “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?” This became a refrain throughout the story as a series of events unfold that are initially perceived as either good or bad fortune.
When the horse returns with a herd of wild horses, it seems like good luck has struck. But then the farmer’s son breaks his leg trying to tame one of the wild horses – a seeming bad luck scenario. However, when the army comes to conscript young men for war, the son is spared because of his injury. So, was it good or bad luck that he broke his leg? As the story shows, life’s twists and turns rarely stay neatly packaged as “good” or “bad” for long.
This simple tale beautifully illustrates the importance of embracing the ebb and flow, the ever-shifting tides of life’s experiences, with an open heart and mind. It highlighted a trap I had fallen into of seeking happiness through some invisible measuring stick of good/bad. I pined for the highs in life and eschewed any perceived lows. All the mundane “stuff” in-between left me feeling unproductive or unaccomplished (a.k.a. Not Enough). It wasn’t until I realized that pursuing happiness through a feeling was unsustainable. Instead, I had to find peace in the middle or, to put it how I put it to my little one at the time, neither getting too happy nor too sad but being okay in the moment and staying curious for what comes next. In more adult language, I like to think of it as the river moving between periods of calm stillness and roaring rapids; our journeys are marked by seasons of joy and struggle, triumph, and adversity. And we have yet to learn today what the situation or experience might lead to tomorrow.
The misconception that happiness is a permanent state, a destination to reach and cling to, has caused me (and likely many others) a fair share of suffering over the years. Whenever I look for that elusive feeling of “happiness,” I inevitably feel not entirely happy or as happy as I think others might be. Looking for happiness, I am disconnected from the present moment. Social media is a great place to find out that you’re not as happy as the people you follow and are bombarded with images and posts of other people’s blissful experiences in life, love, and work.
However, social media by design is inaccurate. It will never reflect reality because reality is only sometimes engaging or click-worthy. What is real? Life’s rhythms. I find a more profound sense of contentment and lasting joy as I learn to surrender my tight grip of craving to be happy and instead embrace all of life’s rhythms – the highs and the lows, the peaks and the valleys. I don’t love all the lessons, and sometimes I don’t feel like learning another one, but I’ve come to accept that this is the journey. My thirst has never been quenched by the fleeting joy of successes or pleasures. Still, I have found an abiding peace and equanimity that doesn’t depend on circumstances for sustenance.
This doesn’t mean I still don’t experience the full range of human emotions and states. (I do. Sometimes, I feel like a wandering poet soul born at an odd time in history.) But I’ve come to appreciate my continuum of feelings as temporary wavelengths that fluctuate. I can ride the crests and troughs, allowing myself to fully feel and experience each note, yet not clinging or attaching to any of them as permanent states. I know it’ll pass if I don’t like a particular emotion because nothing stays the same. In fact, that’s the only thing we can count on; nothing stays the same. (My favorite personal mantra is: This too shall pass.)
Returning to that children’s book, “The Farmer’s Luck” taught me, in the simplest of ways, to stop labeling (or judging) everything as “good” or “bad” and instead respond with open-hearted curiosity: “Who knows what’s next?” It’s a reminder to stay present, cultivate acceptance (for myself, too), and find beauty in whatever life’s rhythms bring my way.
As we celebrate International Day of Happiness, I’m reminded that true happiness isn’t about a feeling. It isn’t about grasping at perpetual highs or numbing ourselves to life’s low points. It’s about finding our center, embracing all experiences with grace, and learning to cultivate joy amidst the endless ebb and flow of this remarkable, unpredictable journey.
Originally published on Tamara’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/embracing-ebb-flow-finding-happiness-lifes-rhythms-tamara-mccleary-s5dze
